


And your heart's a thousand colors but they're all shades of blue

by pugilists



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 19:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14921867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pugilists/pseuds/pugilists
Summary: When Shane falls asleep after the Feast of the Winter Star, with the Wizard’s strange secret santa gift snug in his pocket, he wakes up two years into the future in an unrecognisable life.





	And your heart's a thousand colors but they're all shades of blue

**Author's Note:**

> warning for emetophobia

Shane had noticed something was wrong as soon as he woke up.

It had taken him a while, at first he was too tired to care about anything except going back to sleep. Then he felt the bed shift, heard new noises, realised his room smelled different. Why was it so warm, wasn’t it still winter?

Eventually he forced one of his eyes open and was immediately assaulted by a bright shade of green, as opposed to the usual dark calming blue of his bedroom wallpaper. Sitting up, Shane saw that he was no longer in his cosy single sized bed. In fact, he’d never seen this room before in his life.

Vaguely, he could hear a shower running from the next room and he darted his eyes around looking for anything familiar. He didn’t even recognise the clothes he was sleeping in. 

Shane spotted his phone on the bedside table next to him, connected to its charger as it usually was in the mornings.

“Oh, thank god.” 

He picked the phone up and proceeded to nearly drop it when the lock screen became visible. His wallpaper had always been the default one that had come with the phone, he didn’t use it enough to bother with personalising it. But now, it was different. There was a photograph of a man he’d never seen before, it looked like it’d been taken at the Spirit’s Eve fair. The man had been caught in mid-laugh, his hand in the middle of reaching up to cover his mouth. _What the hell is going on?_

Shane got up and put his phone back down on the table, pausing when he heard a metallic clink. His breath caught in his throat when he lifted the phone up and saw a golden band sitting innocently on the table. There was no mistaking it, it was a wedding band. His eyes widened. Where was he? What had happened? Where were Marnie and Jas?

Before he realised it, Shane’s breathing had become laboured and loud, his chest constricting with panic. Sitting back down on the bed, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself down. It was a futile effort, how was he supposed to deal with this?

In his panic he had failed to hear the bathroom door being opened across the room.

“Shane?”

His eyes snapped open towards the direction of the voice as he still struggled to breathe.

It was him, the stranger on his lock screen. Except now his hair was flat from having just washed it and he wore nothing but a towel around his waist. _This is the weirdest goddamn morning I’ve ever had in my life_ Shane thought in the middle of his panicked state.

“Hey, are you okay?” The man came over to Shane and sat down next to him. He reached his hands up to cup Shane’s face, the unexpected intimacy made him flinch away from the stranger’s hands.

The man immediately took his hands away and looked guilty. 

“Sorry, I forgot you don’t being touched when you have panic attacks.” But Shane wasn’t listening to him. Instead, he was staring at his hands, the stranger was wearing a ring identical to the one on the bedside table. Everything came crashing down on him instantly.

“We’re... married?” Shane croaked. He didn’t know how to start processing this.

There was a shy smile on the man’s face. 

“Still can’t believe it? Me neither,” he said. Shane had never seen anyone look at him the way this man was looking at him right now. He felt like he didn’t deserve it.

“Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare or something?”

Shane stared down at his own shaking hands. He didn’t know how to answer, but at least his breathing wasn’t as hard as it had been a few minutes ago. 

When it became clear that Shane wasn’t going to reply, there was a warmth on his forehead and he realised that he was being kissed. It was gone as quickly as it had been there and Shane almost selfishly wished that it had been longer.

Shane’s supposed ‘husband’ gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’m gonna go get dressed and do some farm work. I think the pumpkins should be ready to harvest today.”

He turned and went back into the bathroom before Shane could respond, the door giving a soft click as it closed. His first thought was _none of this can be real_ , quickly followed by _he’s too good for me_.

Shane got up again and stretched his back, lifting his arms as high as they would go. He decided to go along with whatever this weird charade was until he could figure out what was going on. It seemed too vivid to be a dream but it couldn't be real, could it?

He soon left the bedroom, wanting to explore the rest of the house. It was modestly sized, with only the ensuite bedroom, a kitchen, and a living room, as well as a connected garage. However, it still felt spacious and homely with its wooden structure and clashing wallpapers. 

Shane could see some of his belongings scattered around the house: his gaming console connected to the television, his mini fridge sitting in the garage humming loudly, the ratty old hoodie he always wore resting on the sofa. It was a disorienting sight. He’d never been here before and yet evidence of his presence was everywhere as if he lived here.

Wandering into the kitchen, Shane spotted a wall calendar that appeared to be decorated with chickens. It was dated nearly 2 years into the future. _What the hell?_

“Hey Shane!” God, people needed to stop sneaking up on him in this weird alternate universe.

Thankfully it was someone he recognised. Robin had just come into the kitchen, looking for a glass of water. Maybe she would have some answers for Shane.

“Why are you here?” he asked after a moment of watching Robin. She laughed.

“I’ve been here all morning working on the coop, I’m upgrading it for Beau remember?” she replied, opening the fridge and grabbing a jug of water as she did so.

“Uh, right. Sorry.” Shane assumed Beau was the man who he was apparently married to. 

“It should be done by today, then you guys can have the place to yourselves again!”

Shane sat down in one of the dining chairs, thinking this through. If Robin was here then that must at least mean he was still in Pelican Town. That would mean Marnie and Jas were here too. He couldn’t help but sigh in relief, prompting another laugh from Robin.

“Didn’t know you wanted me gone that bad Shane,” she teased.

Shane’s face burned in embarrassment. “No, of course not. I was just thinking about something else.”

“Uh huh, it’s okay. Demetrius and I like our privacy too.” She winked and Shane thought he was going to die on the spot from humiliation.

“I, uh…”

“No more teasing my husband, Robin.” Beau came into the kitchen, smiling and dressed for outdoors work. Shane’s face grew hotter.

Robin waved her hand. “I know, I know. Time for me to get back to work.” 

She placed her glass in the sink and left the room with a smile and a wave to Shane, who was still trying to get rid of his reddened face.

“So what’ll it be for breakfast?” Beau asked him as he made his way to the fridge.

“Uh, I can make my own it’s fine.” Shane had no clue how he was supposed to act around someone he was supposedly _married_ too. All he could think about was visiting Marnie’s ranch, he needed to see her and Jas.

Beau shook his head. “Nuh-uh, let me treat you to some lovingly made scrambled eggs or something at least. Although keep in mind that they will not be as good as your cooking.”

Cooking? Shane couldn’t remember the last time he’d cooked anything if microwaved meals didn’t count. 

“Alright then,” Shane answered carefully. “Scrambled eggs would be good.”

“Scrambled eggs coming right up!” Beau dove into the fridge to grab eggs and cheese before Shane turned away to look out the window.

He was definitely living on a farm, that much was certain. All he could see outside were rows of crops, interweaved with stone paths. Further off he could see a blur of trees, he assumed that was where the farm ended and a forest began. Shane suddenly had a thought.

“Is that Cindersap Forest over there?”

“Hm?” Beau turned around to look out the same window. “Uh, yes?”

“So… this is the old uninhabited farm north of it?” Shane thought aloud. He knew it was a mistake when the farmer looked at him strangely.

“...Yes? Is everything okay? You’re asking weird questions.” 

“Yeah, sorry. Must just be my old age catching up to me.”

Beau laughed heartily. “I hardly think thirty-two is old babe.” 

Shane immediately started blushing at the pet name but Beau had already turned back around to focus his attention on the eggs currently in a frying pan. This situation was too weird for Shane’s brain to have come up with it, and Beau was too sweet to be a figment of his imagination. 

It was strange to think that wherever or whatever this was, Shane was married. To someone too good for him. Shane was a mess, he’d fallen asleep drunk last night after coming home from the Feast of the Winter Star. And yet, here he was the next morning sitting in an unfamiliar kitchen with a husband. Why had this man apparently married him?

“Here you go.” Beau set down a plate in front of Shane, it was scrambled eggs on toast. A glass of water came down after it. He was soon joined at the table by Beau with his own breakfast.

Shane quickly started digging into his breakfast, only just realising how hungry he was.

“Oh, right! Marnie called earlier, she wants to invite us over for dinner tomorrow night. I think she mentioned wanting us to try a new recipe,” Beau said. His breakfast was slightly different to Shane’s, he could see fried egg and avocado on his toast instead of scrambled egg. 

“Yeah, alright.” Shane tried not to sound too excited about the prospect of seeing the only two people he wanted to see in this weird future and focused on devouring his meal.

Breakfast was mostly silent, it wasn’t an awkward kind though. Even though Shane had never met Beau before it was easy to be around him and not talk, Beau was more than happy to have a conversation but he was just as happy to eat quietly too. 

Halfway through a black cat came wandering in, attempting to jump onto the table before Beau stopped it.

“C’mon Llewyn, how many times do we have to have this talk?” Beau frowned at the cat while scratching it on the head. He continued to mumble at the cat, which Shane found irritatingly cute, before it had decided it’d had enough attention and instead jumped up onto the windowsill. 

“She’ll never learn,” Beau tutted but he was smiling as he said it.

Shortly after Beau got up from the table, collecting his plate and putting it in the sink like Robin had done with her cup. Shane had assumed he was just going to leave the kitchen but instead he lifted Shane’s stubbly chin with a hand and pecked him on the lips.

“Have a good day,” Beau told him as he walked out of the room. Shane’s brain had short-circuited otherwise he would have answered.

 _This is not real life._

Llewyn stared at Shane accusingly from her warm spot in front of the window and he was nearly tempted to flip her off. 

Eventually Shane decided to have a more thorough snoop around the house. He started with the garage, if there was beer anywhere it was in the mini fridge.

There was nothing in Shane’s fridge except for soda, sparkling water, and a half-eaten family block of chocolate. He quickly checked the fridge in the kitchen and it was also bare of any alcohol. There were no warm cans of beer hiding around the house either. Shane had no idea why his future self wouldn’t have anything in his house to drink, why he would give up the daily habit firmly cemented into his life. Being married was one thing but giving up his beer was something else entirely.

Now that he’d gone on this mission to find alcohol and failed, it was all he could think about. He just needed a drink. This morning’s shock had begun to wear off and now Shane was just tired. He was the usual tired, the kind where he didn’t really want to sleep but god he didn’t want to be awake either. 

Shane soon found his and Beau’s shared wardrobe and changed out of his sleepwear. He had no clue which clothing items were his and which were Beau’s, they were roughly the same size, so he picked out a simple shirt and jeans. Putting on his hoodie gave him a familiar sense of safety and comfort, something that grounded him in this strange new environment.

He didn’t see Beau as he stepped off the porch, but he could hear Robin at work in the coop. Shane was surprised to see how much the farm was thriving, as far as he had been concerned the plot of land was nothing more than gnarled roots, hidden rocks, and a cottage beyond repair. He remembered when Marnie told him about the man who used to live here, the farm had apparently been his pride and joy until the day he died.

It was tempting to go straight to the ranch but embarrassingly, Shane wanted to buy some beer first. He patted the wallet he’d found in the pocket of his hoodie and set off for the direction he assumed would lead to town.

The walk was longer than he’d thought it would be. Shane even ended up walking past the bus stop, where the bus was actually in working order for once. 

He wondered for a moment if whatever version of himself that was apparently living this life still worked at _JojaMart_ , he didn’t see his uniform in the dresser but it could have just been in the laundry.

Either way, Shane was not going to willingly step foot into that corporate hell unless he was going to be paid for it so he headed for Pierre’s store instead. 

It was quiet in town, as usual, the few people who saw him greeted him brightly and he could only manage a weak smile in return. The scenery surrounding him was nothing but an array of muted oranges and browns, the valley having fully embraced the annual arrival of autumn. 

The town calendar confirmed that Shane was indeed almost two years into the future for some reason and he glared at it as he entered the general store.

Shane made a beeline to the cold area of the store, the alcohol in the same familiar place it had always been. He grabbed a six-pack, not even bothering to check if the price had changed and turned towards the cash register. Pierre was currently standing behind it, engrossed in reading something out of Shane’s view.

As he approached the counter, Pierre looked up and met Shane’s eyes.

“Ah, good morning Shane! Or should I say afternoon?” Pierre looked somewhat confused. “I’m afraid I’ve lost track of the time,” he said.

“It’s nearly afternoon,” Shane reassured him as he placed his beer on the counter. Pierre’s confused expression only grew when he saw the six pack.

Pierre cleared his throat, almost nervously. “This may not be my place to ask but I thought you were trying to go sober. Almost four months clean I’d heard from Marnie the other day.”

This made Shane freeze. He had no idea what to do with this new information, it just didn’t sound like him at all. Pierre’s comments had only ended up panicking Shane, who now wanted nothing more than to leave this situation immediately.

“You’re right, it’s not your place,” Shane told him bluntly before taking cash out of his hoodie pocket to hand to him. He tried to ignore the way his hands shook.

Pierre looked apologetic and silently made the purchase, not even attempting to give Shane a farewell as he left the store. He tried to calm himself down by thinking about the fact he was going to be drunk by the evening, it almost worked.

What Pierre had told him made Shane reluctant to go back to the farm. Clearly, the Shane that Beau and everyone else knew was making an effort to remain sober. He could imagine how uncomfortable and embarrassing it would be to have someone confront him about the beer, or even to just give him a disapproving look. 

Shane could only seem to think of one place in the valley where he could drink until he was drunk without the chance of someone else reminding him of how little self-control he knew himself to have.

The dock near Marnie’s ranch had been a long-time favourite drinking place of Shane’s for a few years. There was nothing beyond it except for the Wizard’s tower so no one ever had the need to venture that far. It was only Shane and his alcohol present, along with the ducks quietly moving about the lake.

It still looked the same even two years on, the milk crate he usually sat on looking somewhat worse for wear but usable and overgrown weeds trying to wrestle each other at the beginning of the dock. The familiar sight was a relief to Shane after a morning of surprises. 

He sat down on the uncomfortable crate and set the sweating beer cans down beside him. A deep breath in, smelling the damp grass and mud and listening to the ducks quack and the leaves shake, and then an exhale.

Shane spent a lot longer than he’d meant to at the dock. He watched the sun creep towards the horizon before suddenly depriving him of its warmth, and then night swept in as he slowly drank his beer. It was difficult to tell the time since he’d left his phone at home, unable to unlock it without the passcode, but he made no move to leave. Some childish thought in the back of his head told Shane that maybe if he sat out here long enough, feeling like the only person in the world, eventually something would happen. He didn’t know what he was waiting for but it soon became too cold for him to stay. Early autumn nights were often like this.

He stood, feeling his joints crack and his body ache, steadying himself when he felt dizzy. Then he went home, leaving the empty cans where they sat.

It was easier than Shane thought it would have been to walk back to the farm in complete darkness. He followed the road up north, walking past the outskirts of Cindersap Forest before he found himself on Beau’s property. Lights on the other end of the farm showed that his husband was still up and about in their house. It felt strange calling Beau his husband, calling this farm his home, like it was a cruel joke that Shane shouldn’t be falling for. He kept walking.

The front door was unlocked so he let himself in, immediately basking in the heat of a nearby fireplace. 

“Shane?” 

The voice had come from the bedroom, Shane’s gut roiled at the thought of confrontation, but he pushed himself into the room regardless. It looked like Beau had been asleep or at least been trying to sleep before Shane arrived, he was sat up in bed with the cat staring curiously next to him. Beau’s expression was unreadable.

“Hey.” Shane shuffled over to the shared wardrobe, intent on finding something to sleep in before he showered. The silence in the room was thick enough for him to choke on but he kept his mouth glued shut, his jaw tense.

From behind him Shane could hear the bed sheets move, he assumed Beau was standing up. Shane pretended to be exceedingly interested in the clothes in front of him. He didn’t know how to handle this, not with a complete stranger.

“Gus called earlier,” Beau said, “he was wondering why you hadn’t shown up for work.” 

Shane paused. Did that mean he worked at the saloon now? What the hell had happened in two years? There was no way this was own life, this life belonged to someone better and kinder and still had things to live for. To someone who deserved it. 

“Shane?” Beau interrupted his thoughts. “Is everything ok?”

He didn’t know how to respond. _No, I woke up this morning married to a stranger and I can’t tell if this is a sick prank or a really long nightmare_ somehow didn’t seem appropriate.

Shane opened his mouth to say something, anything, when Beau spoke up again.

“You smell like alcohol.” The disappointment in Beau’s voice felt like a punch to the stomach, Shane immediately snapped his mouth shut.

Beau stepped closer to him and Shane expected him to be angry, to yell, to call him a failure. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Shane’s neck, he could feel the farmer shaking slightly.

“Please talk to me about this,” was all Beau said. His voice was muffled slightly, and Shane could feel his warm breath on his collarbone. The hug was engulfing, overwhelming, like Beau had gathered him up in his arms and then swallowed him whole. No one had spoken to him with that tone in a long time. It brought back memories of him being in hospital, his mother next to him crying and begging to know why, her voice quiet and broken, and Shane too ashamed to do anything except stare at the beige walls. It pained him to know that he was hurting someone like this, even if Beau was a stranger to him. All he seemed to be able to do lately was hurt the people he cared about just by existing.

Shane’s chest started to tighten, he began to feel like he was vibrating out of his skin. As soon as Beau loosened his arms, Shane went straight to the bathroom. If his husband had said anything else, he hadn’t heard it over the high pitch whine in his ears as he shut the door and collapsed by the toilet. The nausea that usually accompanied his panic attacks was only made worse by the beer he’d been drinking, and Shane felt bile quickly rise up in his throat. He hoped it was making it into the toilet, his vision was splotched with white dots and he could barely see his own hands.

He sat there for a long time, until his sight cleared and his body stopped shaking. There were no sounds Shane could hear outside of the bathroom and he hoped, desperately, that Beau had gone to bed. 

At least now he knew for sure that this was some kind of cruel joke being played on him, he wasn’t looking forward to the punchline.


End file.
